Beyond Roses and Romance: The Many Loves of Ancient Greece
- Hellenic Museum
- 4 hours ago
- 5 min read
Valentine's Day has a way of convincing us that love comes in just one flavour: romantic. Preferably candlelit, ideally photogenic, and possibly involving overpriced chocolate-coated strawberries.
But long before heart-shaped chocolate boxes, the ancient Greeks understood that love is far more expansive. In fact, across mythology and philosophy, they described multiple forms of love, each with its own emotional depth and purpose.
While modern scholars group them into 'eight types of love', the Greeks themselves used different words to describe the many ways humans connect. And honestly? They might have been onto something.
Eros: The Firestarter
Eros is passion. Attraction. Chemistry so strong it overrides common sense.
Named after the Greek god of love and lust, it is little surprise that eros is the term for 'romantic love' – but in Greek mythology, Eros was not just a harmless cherub! His arrows could overwhelm mortals, igniting uncontrollable desire and irrational behaviour. Eros is an intense and consuming love – it burns bright and fast; without balance, it can burn out.
In modern terms? Think whirlwind romance, grand gestures and dramatic declarations. The three-month 'situationship' that felt like destiny – until you saw their Hinge notifications.
Philia: The Ride-or-Die
Philia is the ancient Greek term for friendship love – loyal, chosen, and deeply mutual.
In ancient Greece, bonds between friends were highly valued, especially between soldiers or citizens bound by civic duty. In fact, Plato regarded friendship as one of the highest forms of love because of its roots in shared values and mutual respect – and this is where the similar concept of 'platonic love' originated.
Though some may say Plato would have loved films like When Harry Met Sally, if philia were a movie or show, it would resonate more with Sex and the City – deep affection between friends, and staying for the joy of someone's company.
If Valentine's Day feels heavy with expectation, philia offers a beautiful alternative: dinner with your closest friends, laughter without pressure, and traditions built on shared history.
Storge: Familial Affection
Storge refers to the natural affection between family, particularly parents and children. It is protective, steady, and often unconditional.
Unlike eros or even philia, storge does not need to be earned. It grows from familiarity and care – mum keeping the light on, the comfort of an embrace when you're sick, or a sibling defending you in the schoolyard (even if they teased you first).
As children grow, storge evolves. It may soften, shift or mature, but it rarely disappears – and in ancient Greece, that quiet loyalty formed the backbone of society.
Image: Cast statue of Hermes and the Infant Dionysos on display at the Hellenic Museum, Melbourne
Ludus: The Butterflies
Often described as 'young love' or 'puppy love', ludus embodies a playful, innocent affection. Like a summer fling, it is non-committal, silly and fun.
Imagine butterflies in your stomach, teasing conversations, the electricity of anticipating a first kiss, and the lightness of not yet knowing where things will lead.
Although fleeting, ludus is often the type of affection people experience on the path to falling in love. If it doesn't evolve into a deeper love like pragma or eros, it can remain superficial, but it can also be a beautiful beginning – a spark that grows into something more enduring.
Mania: The Red Flag
Mania is not really a 'love' at all, but what happens when love is untethered from reason.
The Greeks believed that when there was an imbalance between eros and ludus in a romantic partnership, mania occurred – leading to unhealthy obsession, jealousy, and emotional volatility. This can be seen in Greek mythology through the tale of Daphne and Apollo. After being struck by Eros' arrow, Apollo is driven to madness from the love he feels for the nymph Daphne, his desire distorting into a toxic and dangerous fixation.
To prevent mania, the Greek philosophers believed passion should be tempered with wisdom – a lesson that still holds up today.
Pragma: The Long Game
Pragma is a mature, enduring love – the kind that develops over time through commitment, compromise, and shared life experience.
Often found in marriages or friendships nurtured for decades, this is a rare and deeply special kind of love. Odysseus and Penelope are often seen as an example of this steadfast affection: separated for decades, yet bound by loyalty and perseverance.
Pragma explores what love becomes when you learn to carefully and intentionally maintain it over time. It is not a flashy, burning love that fades – it is patience, compromise, forgiveness, and steady devotion. It's choosing each other, even on an ordinary Tuesday.
Philautia: The Plot Twist
Long before 'self-care' became a cultural catchphrase, the Greeks spoke of philautia – love of the self.
The ancient Greeks, including the philosopher Aristotle, believed that self-love was not only healthy but also necessary. It enables generosity, resilience, and the ability to love others well. Not to be confused with narcissism or vanity, philautia is love that grows from being compassionate, gentle, and aware of oneself.
You might encourage philautia by creating a restorative ritual for yourself, having a solo date night, or simply being kinder to yourself. After all, you can't pour from an empty amphora.
Image: Cast statue of Aphrodite of Milos on display at the Hellenic Museum, Melbourne
Agape: The Big Picture
Agape is a selfless, unconditional love. It transcends the physical and is considered the most radical kind of love – reaching beyond personal attachment to encompass humanity, community, or the divine.
Although true agape is given with nothing expected in return, many who practise this altruism find fulfilment in selflessness itself. As both Socrates and Aristotle believed, 'doing good leads to a good life'.
This form of love can be seen through acts of devotion, offering and sacrifice, as reflected through the many objects of Rituals: Gifts for the Gods. And few of these offerings can be as immediately understood as the messages ancient Greeks inscribed to their gods on oracular tablets – like this one from the Sanctuary of Zeus in Dodona, which reads:
“Good fortune! Evandros and his wife ask Zeus Naios and Dione, by praying and sacrificing to which god or hero or daimon they and their family might fare best, now and forever.”
These inscriptions reveal not romance, but hope, faith, and care for family. Love expressed through ritual as an act of connection – between humans, gods, individuals, and community.
What kind of love will you celebrate?
In the 21st century, romance may involve more swiping than sonnets. But the emotional spectrum hasn't changed much over the millennia – we still experience storge at baby showers, pragma in long marriages, ludus on first dates, or agape in community and collective care.
The ancient Greeks remind us that love is not singular, and that no matter how or who you celebrate this Valentine's Day, you are participating in a tradition as old as civilisation itself.
The question is not whether love surrounds us – it's which kind you are nurturing.